* By Lounge Lizard
In recent days, the planet has watched in wonder as The Child Obamessiah ventured forth to bring light unto the world. An awed Gerard Baker has reported on His Triumphal Progress both in The Times and at Fox News.
Of course, there are still Philistines who assert that Obamessiah's activities in Germany should be memorialised with the phrase "Ich bin ein Beginner", in memory of the Great Prophet John F. Kennedy who, when visiting Berlin back in 1963, famously proclaimed "Ich bin ein Berliner" rather than "Ich bin Berliner", thus causing some to infer that he was really a jelly-filled doughnut. We can be thankful that he didn't deliver his speech in Frankfurt.
Some irreligious souls who seek to lead the multitude away from the paths of righteousness assert that The Child should have said "Ich bin ein Grundschnabel", or a "newbie", or even "Ich bin ein Tantenverführer", an aunt seducer, a plausible but excessively pleasing young man who seeks our approval.
Unbelievers have sought inspiration from possible remarks by other famous visitors. President Carter could have said "Ich bin ein peanut". The Prince of Wales could have said "Ich bin ein condom". President Clinton, the Priapic, could have denied everything, asserting, "I did not have sexual relations with that word."
But for those of faith, The Chosen One's speech, delivered on July 24 from the base of the Victory Column, placed in its present position almost seventy years ago at the behest of another great orator, did not disappoint. It was a revelation. Its very title, A World that Stands as One, signified the triumph of hope over reality.
The Chosen One's humility was immediately evident.
I come to Berlin as so many of my countrymen have come before. Tonight, I speak to you not as a candidate for President, but as a citizen - a proud citizen of the United States, and a fellow citizen of the world.
Apparently Wikipedia is wrong when it states that His father came to America as a result of a scholarship organised by nationalist leader, Tom Mboya.
At the height of the Cold War, my father decided, like so many others in the forgotten corners of the world, that his yearning - his dream - required the freedom and opportunity promised by the West. And so he wrote letter after letter to universities all across America until somebody, somewhere answered his prayer for a better life.
We now know that Germany's launch of World War II had nothing to do with why America became involved with the fate of Berlin.
And you know that the only reason we stand here tonight is because men and women from both of our nations came together to work, and struggle, and sacrifice for that better life.
We now know that modern industry is wicked and has disastrous consequences.
As we speak, cars in Boston and factories in Beijing are melting the ice caps in the Arctic, shrinking coastlines in the Atlantic, and bringing drought to farms from Kansas to Kenya.
Despite what supporters of the evil Bush may say, Europeans are bearing new burdens and taking more responsibility in critical parts of the world. Yes, really. Think of Afghanistan.
In Europe, the view that America is part of what has gone wrong in our world, rather than a force to help make it right, has become all too common. In America, there are voices that deride and deny the importance of Europe's role in our security and our future. Both views miss the truth - that Europeans today are bearing new burdens and taking more responsibility in critical parts of the world; and that just as American bases built in the last century still help to defend the security of this continent, so does our country still sacrifice greatly for freedom around the globe.
We must have open borders and Israel's security wall must come down.
The walls between old allies on either side of the Atlantic cannot stand. The walls between the countries with the most and those with the least cannot stand. The walls between races and tribes; natives and immigrants; Christian and Muslim and Jew cannot stand. These now are the walls we must tear down.
Sensational news - Protestants and Catholics now live together in Belfast!
Not only have walls come down in Berlin, but they have come down in Belfast, where Protestant and Catholic found a way to live together.
We will stop the spread of nuclear weapons because it's time to stop the spread of nuclear weapons.
This is the moment when we must renew the goal of a world without nuclear weapons. The two superpowers that faced each other across the wall of this city came too close too often to destroying all we have built and all that we love. With that wall gone, we need not stand idly by and watch the further spread of the deadly atom. It is time to secure all loose nuclear materials; to stop the spread of nuclear weapons; and to reduce the arsenals from another era. This is the moment to begin the work of seeking the peace of a world without nuclear weapons.
Beware free trade, for it may be inequitable. We must have fair trade, with protections.
This is the moment when we must build on the wealth that open markets have created, and share its benefits more equitably. Trade has been a cornerstone of our growth and global development. But we will not be able to sustain this growth if it favors the few, and not the many. Together, we must forge trade that truly rewards the work that creates wealth, with meaningful protections for our people and our planet. This is the moment for trade that is free and fair for all.
We must save the planet from carbon.
This is the moment when we must come together to save this planet. Let us resolve that we will not leave our children a world where the oceans rise and famine spreads and terrible storms devastate our lands. Let us resolve that all nations - including my own - will act with the same seriousness of purpose as has your nation, and reduce the carbon we send into our atmosphere.
Future American foreign policy will put moral gestures above national interest, for America must lead by example. We will ask questions, but won't expect answers. As for actually doing something, we can always distribute "Free Tibet" bumper-stickers.
Now the world will watch and remember what we do here - what we do with this moment. Will we extend our hand to the people in the forgotten corners of this world who yearn for lives marked by dignity and opportunity; by security and justice? Will we lift the child in Bangladesh from poverty, shelter the refugee in Chad, and banish the scourge of AIDS in our time?
Will we stand for the human rights of the dissident in Burma, the blogger in Iran, or the voter in Zimbabwe? Will we give meaning to the words "never again" in Darfur?
Will we acknowledge that there is no more powerful example than the one each of our nations projects to the world? Will we reject torture and stand for the rule of law? Will we welcome immigrants from different lands, and shun discrimination against those who don't look like us or worship like we do, and keep the promise of equality and opportunity for all of our people?
Multiculturalism will replace the traditional American identity.
Our allegiance has never been to any particular tribe or kingdom - indeed, every language is spoken in our country; every culture has left its imprint on ours; every point of view is expressed in our public squares.
And as a people of improbable hope, we will remake the world.
People of Berlin - and people of the world - the scale of our challenge is great. The road ahead will be long. But I come before you to say that we are heirs to a struggle for freedom. We are a people of improbable hope. With an eye toward the future, with resolve in our hearts, let us remember this history, and answer our destiny, and remake the world once again.
Ah, improbable hope! Yes we can, yes we can! Let us mount the sunlit uplands of total emptiness.
At The Chosen One's New Hampshire Primary Speech in January this year, the cry "Yes we can!" rang throughout the land.
Yes, we can, to opportunity and prosperity. Yes, we can heal this nation. Yes, we can repair this world. Yes, we can.
The Chosen One's speech, Our Time Has Come, on Super Tuesday, February 5, was a hymn to heal the nation and repair the world.
We know that what began as a whisper has now swelled to a chorus that cannot be ignored, that will not be deterred, that will ring out across this land as a hymn that will heal this nation, repair this world, make this time different than all the rest.
At His nomination victory speech in St Paul, the Anointed One announced the coming of the greatest miracle in all recorded history. For the first time, Americans would provide care for the sick, eliminate unemployment and cause the yet-to-be-observed rise of the oceans to cease. Gaia would heal and the enemy would lay down his arms.
...generations from now, we will be able to look back and tell our children that this was the moment when we began to provide care for the sick and good jobs to the jobless; this was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal; this was the moment when we ended a war and secured our nation and restored our image as the last, best hope on Earth.
May the young and idealistic, their eyes shining, drink deep from the sacred cup of the Messiah's rhetoric, just as a lifetime ago, another great orator inspired members of his audience to say to themselves, "Er spricht für mich, er spricht für mich!" (He speaks for me, he speaks for me!). As one of them, Standartenoberjunker Jan Munk, was later to recall:
When he spoke at meetings or rallies he managed to captivate his audience. He was able to get us in a mood where we believed everything he said and we left fired with enthusiasms. Everyone I met respected and trusted H***** and I myself shared these feelings and opinions.
It is said that the so-called wise heads in the Great Sanhedrin argue that the Anointed One is a pied piper, a chameleon, and assert that He is lost without a teleprompter, and question why He has attracted the support of people like Sheik Hilali. But they are men of little faith. They have not seen the light.
As true disciples, we know that the Intrade prediction market supports our quest for salvation. We know The Anointed One will triumph over the forces of darkness.
So let us raise our hands and cry "Halleluiah! Yes we can! Yes we can!" And let us all now sing Tomorrow belongs to me.